so here I am, on WordPress.

*wanders around poking at stuff and admiring the fixtures and fittings*

hmm…  seems like a nice place.  cleaner lines, more amenities, closer to the centre of…er…somewhere central…  and it is, after all, what all the cool kids seem to be doing.

I’ve spent some time on and off over the last week or so going backwards and forwards between my old place and this new one, but I think it’s probably going to take me a while to move all of my stuff in and redecorate.  I’ll get there though, my dear, never you fear.  there will be wall hangings and suchlike, I’m sure, but I have to organise myself first which, believe me, is probably the biggest task.

so let me see….  besides homehunting, what else have I been up to?  well, chickenhunting, for one thing.  if you followed my previous blog over at ‘an earthbound misfit‘, you will be aware of our recent loss.  the sad demise of our lovely chicken Alan.  we had two, and Alan leaves behind a somewhat neurotic girl called Ruby.  Ruby needs a friend (we knew this anyway, despite her seeming insistence otherwise – but her squawking was sounding somewhat lonely today – or maybe I’m just anthropomorphizing).  so tomorrow morning bright (ish) and early (definitely not – it will be saturday, after all), we are going to see our friendly local chicken breeder to (hopefully) acquire a companion for our lonesome chicken.

in other news, I have been lusting after a new phone.  my contract isn’t up until the first of june, but I can start looking at an upgrade on the first of may (and anyone who’s ead Rivals by Jilly Cooper will likely be well aware of what people in Gloucestershire say about the first of may…)
…moving on…
…so I’ve been drooling a little over the HTC Desire.  yesterday, I made the fatal, fatal error of toddling in to my local moby shop to have a play with one.  goodness me, what a mistake that was!  it is a slice of electronic loveliness, and I WANTS IT!!!  NAO!!  sadly, I shall have to wait.  but I can be patient… *twitch*

on to writing, which is kinda sorta the reason I’ve moved into this neighbourhood in the first place.  well…  mostly, anyway.  I finally, finally wrote a little more of my pet WIP, today.  oh, I’ve missed my darling Charley – it was sooo good to see him again!  I gave up on editing CdeS as a bad job and, frankly, I was getting bored.  never a good sign, right?  one of these days, I will get around to printing it out to read properly but, in the meantime, it has lost my interest.  added to that, Charley has been a little voice in the back of my head nagging at me, on and off, since last october.  so this afternoon, I gave him a poke.  not a very big one – only just over 700 words – but it’s definitely a start.  and I sort of have the next scene in my head, too.  only…

right, here’s the thing.  I’m scared.

in preparation for beginning work on him once again, I re-read the 15k I had written on him so far and…  I fucking loved it!  really – I surprised the crap out of myself!  it was fun and exciting and mysterious – one scene even creeped me out a little.  all the things I wanted it to be.  all the things I usually want stories to be, whether I wrote them or not.  and it was.  and then it…  stopped.
it made me want to howl with frustration at the stupid  and unnecessary cruelty of the bitch who wrote it.

…then I remembered that bitch was me, and was immediately terrified.  I’m sure I’ve lost whatever spark I had when I wrote it.  I’m sure I’ve left it too long to recapture the energy of the original writing, and the rest of it will be utter, utter shite.  dross.  but I have to try.  I have to go on with it, and try to get back into the mindset of the Squeaky who wrote it.  although that,  I have to tell you, is actually the very last place I want to be – for reasons that are mine and mine alone.

but thinking about it, maybe I don’t really have to get into that mindset, as such – just the story-space that Charley and the girls came from.  and I can practically smell that, if I think about it hard enough.  which, honestly, is a first for me, and very encouraging. 🙂  but I’m still scared.

however, and here’s the part where I discover that i may actually be a little braver than I thought, I’m going to do it anyway.  because it would be a fucking awful waste not to.  and…and…and…  well – see the About page, if you want to know why it’s necessary. and surely that’s the definition of bravery?  doing something even though it scares you?

maybe.

when it’s not so late at night, I’m going to start putting up pages of Stuff Wot I Have Written, so you can judge for yourself whether or not I’m wasting my time.  but for now, I think I’d better stop.

aside from anything else, the cat just flopped all over me, demanding fuss in that very insistent way that cats have, and typing just became rather a challenge…

so do me a favour, will you?  please?  say hi in the comments, and tell me what you think of my new blog.

even though i haven’t put the curtains up, yet.

.

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