forgive me, reader, for i have sinned. it’s been…*counts on fingers*…four weeks since my last blog post.   and longer than that since i’ve written anything, save the odd email.  and, of course, manymany tweets.  although, not even as many tweets as usual.

the last time you saw me i was whinging about being in pain.  thankfully, that cleared up, just like the doc said it would.  but then came the bulk of December.  the last week before christmas was particularly busy and extremely stressful.  by the end, i was exhausted.   it was mainly work-related, but still.  i’m quite proud of myself that i actually managed to get all presents and cards delivered on time.  weirdly, i got another mysterious pain on christmas eve – in my shoulder, this time.  along with a heavy cold, and my period.  all at once.  the cold is mostly gone now, except for a little lingering snot, and a rotten cough that makes me sound like Muttley when i laugh.  the pain went away on Wednesday.  i don’t think it’s a coincidence that it disappeared on the first day in December that i was completely unstressed, and had spent the day doing little but relax, and gather my scattered self back together.  so – probably stress-related.  who’da thunk it?

so, y’know – there’s been all that.  but there’s also the fear.  if i haven’t written in a while, the fear starts to creep in.  i fear the writing, my mind gets progressively emptier, my muse curls in on herself more and more tightly, and she gets more and more reluctant to uncurl.  but uncurl she must.  she has to.  otherwise i no longer have a creative outlet in my life.  well – not one worth anything, anyway.  today is my third day off.  for most of the other two, i have been reading/editing the NaNoWriMo manuscript of a friend.  it was something that gave me a great deal of pleasure.  not least because i really enjoyed the story, but also because i love to help in this way – i feel like i’m doing something useful.  i will admit, though, that there was a tiny amount of procrastination in there, too.  a sort of “it’s ok that i’m not doing any writing of my own – i’m helping out a friend”.  but the truth is, this was much easier than tackling that willowy, dark-haired madam and her red cloth.(see final paragraph of linked post).

but tackle her i must.  i have to stroke her hair, shake her sholder, tickle her feet, if i have to…  but i must get her to uncurl, even if it’s only to blink sleepy and confused eyes at me.  if i’m lucky, though, she’ll stand up, raise her cloth to the wind, and remember her dreams.