to be or not to be...
(image stolen from deviantart - clicky to see the page)

i keep saying it to myself. “i really should write more”. more regularly, more consistently, more daringly… just more of everything ending in “ly”, really.  i’m not really sure, though, if i keep saying it because i mean it (the road to hell is paved with good intentions – good job i’m an athiest), or in the hopes that if i say it enough that one day it will magically come true, without recourse to getting up off my metaphorical arse and actually writing something.  it’s a bit of a bugger when you’ve got nothing to say, i suppose.  no reall thoughts or opinions on anything.  well – none worth listening to, at least.  and there’s the crux, nub, and heart of the matter.  deep down, i hold a belief that no one would ever really want to read what i write – whether it be fiction or non-.  and i’m also scared of exposing myself.  The Fraud Police are always watching me, after all (check from 2:15 on the video link to see what i mean).

a couple of weeks ago, i had a fantastic lunch / got to hang out with three very, very cool ladies.  they are all erotica authors whose writing i admire for different reasons.  and they all do it anonymously.  the subject of anonymity in writing came up during lunch, and it’s been knocking around in my brain ever since.  and i’m considering starting another blog.  one that will have a pen name attached to it.  one that i will tell no-one about, where i can just…  write stuff that i’m too afraid, or shy, to share with people who kind of know who i am.  and by knowing who i am, i mean, have a certain image of me.  y’know – Squeaky.  equal parts bouncy and whingy.  always tries to be as nice as possible to her friends, and to disengage with her enemies, since she’s too much of a coward to fight and is anyway far too lazy.  but there’s stuff i think about (fiction and non-) that people might find shocking, or…  well.  whatever.  this is one of those grey areas.  i want to really, really be myself.  trouble is, i’m still not sure who she is.  and i don’t want to upset anybody.  really – you’re all so nice.  and i’m not.  not at all.  sometimes i am.  but sometimes i’m naaaassstteeeeehhhh.  or even just nasty.  thoughtlessly cruel.  or just thoughtless, or…

oh, shit – i did it again, didn’t i?  sorry.

anywhoo…

i’m still kicking the idea around.  if i start the other blog, i…  well – i’m not sure if i’ll tell you about it or not.  but honestly?  it seems kinda stupid for me to have two blogs.  i’m generally WYSIWYG, and i know, just know, that if i start another blog, one of them will fall by the wayside.  i’m not one of Dame Nature’s multitaskers…

it all depends how prepared i am to alienate people, i guess.  this needs pondering further.  any thoughts or opinions are always welcome.

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